Deepening Love Through Shadow Work

One of my favorite techniques for deepening self-love, especially through shadow work, is visualizing the yin and yang within ourselves. This simple, yet profound concept helps us explore characteristics we struggle with—both in ourselves and in others—and find balance.

By seeing both the light and shadow sides of a trait, we can neutralize judgment and restore harmony in our lives. Let’s see how this works in practice.

A Case of Workplace Frustration

Meet Monica, a wonderful woman with a compassionate heart, deep faith, and a commitment to her community. Despite all this, she came to me with a heavy issue weighing on her. Monica was struggling with her coworker, Cecelia, and it was taking a toll on her job satisfaction and well-being.

Cecelia, despite working in the same department for months, continuously asked Monica the same questions—sometimes multiple times a day. Monica felt frustrated and overwhelmed, especially because Cecelia's constant need for help was impacting the entire team’s efficiency and Monica’s ability to complete her own tasks.

The department had largely given up on Cecelia, and Monica found herself stuck in a draining situation: being the only one Cecelia would turn to, over and over again, with guilt and shame written all over her face. This daily cycle was exhausting, leaving Monica feeling angry and frustrated, both at work and at home.

When Empathy Isn’t Enough

Monica, like many of us who aspire to embody love and kindness, was struggling to align her intense feelings of frustration with the compassion she wanted to feel. She asked me, "How can I stop feeling this anger, and return to love?"

I asked her to define the characteristic in Cecelia that frustrated her the most. Without hesitation, she answered, "Clueless."

To start, I asked Monica to recall a time when she felt clueless. She admitted it made her feel vulnerable, scared, and unsure of her worth. While this exercise helped her tap into empathy for Cecelia, it wasn’t solving the core issue. Empathy alone wasn’t easing Monica’s frustration—it was just keeping her from becoming another cold and distant coworker.

We realized that the real work wasn’t in feeling more empathy; it was in neutralizing the emotional charge that Cecelia’s behavior triggered.

The Yin and Yang of “Cluelessness”

To move forward, we used the yin and yang approach to view Cecelia’s “cluelessness” from both a shadow and light perspective. Here’s how the exercise works:

Step 1: Categorize the Trait

We created two columns: one for the shadow aspects of “cluelessness” and another for its light aspects.

Cluelessness
Shadow Side

• Lost

• Unsure

• Oblivious

• Unaware

Light Side

• Innocent

• Child-like

• Naive

• Open to learning

This shift in perspective was key. By seeing Cecelia’s behavior as both “lost” and “innocent,” Monica began to realize that her frustration was largely fueled by her own interpretation of Cecelia’s actions. Instead of focusing solely on how Cecelia's cluelessness burdened her, she could now also see it as a kind of innocence that invited opportunities for support and growth.

Step 2: Feel the Energy of Each Perspective

Next, Monica reflected on how each perspective made her feel.

• Shadow of Lost/Oblivious: Being around someone who is lost can feel heavy, like you're carrying the weight of their tasks. It creates frustration because their lack of direction feels like a burden.

• Light of Innocent/Child-like: Being around someone innocent feels different—it can feel refreshing, even joyful, like an opportunity for fun, growth, and newness. There’s a sense of purity and potential.

By looking at Cecelia through both lenses, Monica was able to release her emotional charge. She no longer saw Cecelia as just clueless, but also as someone with a child-like innocence who needed extra support.

Releasing Emotional Charge and Creating Solutions

Once Monica shifted her perspective, she was able to take new actions. Cecelia was no longer “just a problem” but a person who might need more training—or perhaps a gentle conversation about whether this role was truly a fit for her.

Monica no longer felt the need to carry Cecelia’s weight. She was able to offer advice on how Cecelia could move forward and let go of the frustration that had been holding her back.

Empowerment Through Shadow Work

This is the beauty of shadow work—it allows us to dissect our beliefs and judgments, neutralizing the intense emotions that often come with them. For Monica, Cecelia was the catalyst for deeper self-reflection, but the real lesson was about her own beliefs around cluelessness.

It wasn’t about staying stuck in a place where empathy felt like a burden. Instead, Monica experienced a true shift in perspective—allowing her empathy to grow into embodied love and empowering her to act from a place of clarity and compassion.

This process of releasing judgment, understanding the yin and yang of characteristics, and neutralizing emotional charges is available to all of us. It’s the path to empowerment, and it starts with awareness.

If you’re ready to explore this transformative process in your own life, I’m here to help. Reach out to schedule a session, and together we can work through the patterns holding you back—empowering you to find balance, peace, and deeper self-love. Let’s walk this journey of awareness and growth together.

Wishes of Happiness, Health, Wealth & Wisdom
- Heart